Online couples therapy: Can it save your relationship?

What is online couples therapy?

Online couples therapy is a form of professional support for couples, in which joint sessions take place online , usually via video call. The aim is to gain a better understanding of relationship conflicts, improve communication and work together to find solutions to current challenges. Depending on the practitioner’s qualifications and the nature of the service, this may take the form of couples therapy or psychological couples counselling.

Unlike individual counselling, the focus is not solely on one person’s needs and experiences, but also on the dynamics within the relationship. A psychologist or suitably qualified therapist will guide you in understanding different perspectives, recognising recurring patterns of behaviour and finding new ways of interacting with one another.

When is online couples therapy a good idea?

Fulfilling relationships have a positive effect on our mental and physical wellbeing (Robles et al., 2014). Ongoing conflicts and unhealthy relationship patterns, on the other hand, can be a source of stress. Break-ups are also frequently associated with mental and physical stress (Sbarra et al., 2011). These findings suggest that it is worth working on the relationship. Couples therapy or counselling can be particularly helpful when facing the following challenges:

• Recurring conflicts: You often argue about the same issues without finding a solution.

• Communication problems: You feel misunderstood or find that you’re talking at cross-purposes.

• Lack of closeness: Intimacy and time spent together are lacking.

• Trust issues: Jealousy or hurt feelings are putting a strain on your relationship.

• Differing expectations: Your visions of a shared future are at odds with one another.

• Challenging life stages: Stress, parenthood or personal crises are affecting your relationship.

Even without an acute relationship crisis, couples’ counselling can be beneficial. It helps you to recognise entrenched patterns, strengthen mutual understanding and develop new solutions together.

Which relationships can benefit from online couples’ therapy?

In couples’ therapy, there’s no such thing as the wrong time or the wrong issues, and you don’t have to be on the brink of a break-up to seek couples’ counselling. It can be helpful at different stages of your relationship.

Are you still right at the start and want to make sure it stays this wonderful and that you remain in love forever? Do you regularly argue about the same issues without finding a solution? Or do you doubt whether you can even have a future together?

Whatever thoughts, conflicts and feelings are on your minds: a professional outside perspective can help you see your own situation from a different angle. It’s not about who’s right or who’s to blame for the problems. Rather, the aim is to create a space where both of you are heard and can discover new ways of being together.

What topics are discussed in couples’ therapy?

In couples counselling, there is generally scope to address any issues that are important to your relationship. According to the relationship researcher Guy Bodenmann (2000), common areas of conflict in relationships include:

• Eroticism and sexuality

• Communication and conversational behaviour

• Time spent together and affection

• Willingness to invest in the relationship

• Unrealistic expectations

The stresses of everyday life, juggling a career and family, often force couples to simply grit their teeth and put relationship issues on the back burner. The willingness to make sacrifices and put one’s own needs second also sometimes seems difficult. As a result, many couples only seek counselling when it is already too late.

How does online couples therapy work?

The specific process depends on your concerns and the way the counsellor works. Couples counselling often involves the following steps:

1. Initial consultation and getting to know each other: To beginwith , you’ll get to know your psychologist. Both of you will have the opportunity to explain your perspective and discuss the issues that are on your minds.

1. Developing shared goals: What would you like to change? Which needs are currently being neglected? And what does each of you hope to gain from the counselling? These questions help to identify what you’d like to work on.

1. Understanding relationship patterns: Subsequent sessions focus on identifying recurring conflicts, reactions and expectations. Together, you can develop new perspectives and work on implementing changes in your everyday lives.
   

2. Reflecting on progress: Couples’ counselling is a process. Some changes become noticeable quickly, whilst others take more time. That is why it is important to regularly reflect together on how your relationship is developing.

Can online couples therapy save a relationship?

Couples therapy does not automatically mean that every relationship can or should be saved. A professional consultation can sometimes reveal that a shared future would do more harm than good for both partners, or that their visions of life together have become too different and that a separation is the better decision in the long term.

Even in such a situation, professional support can be helpful. It can help you come to terms with hurt feelings, make difficult decisions and find a way to part ways as respectfully as possible.

The aim of couples’ counselling does not, therefore, always have to be to stay together. The key is to work out together what is the right path for both of you.

What is needed for online couples therapy to be effective?

The sooner you start tackling difficult relationship issues together, the sooner you can prevent certain patterns of conflict from becoming further entrenched. In addition, there are a few important prerequisites for constructive cooperation:

• Voluntary participation: No one should be pressured into couples’ therapy or into discussing personal issues.

• Neutrality and fairness: The therapist should take both perspectives into account. Both partners should feel heard and valued.

• Respect: Clear rules of communication help to avoid hurting each other’s feelings and to discuss even difficult topics constructively.

• Time and patience: Change does not always happen in a single session. It requires a willingness to reflect on oneself and on the relationship.

This last point is particularly important: couples’ therapy can open up new perspectives for you. However, how you subsequently put these into practice in your everyday life is ultimately up to you.

What if your own fear of commitment is getting in the way?

We all bring experiences, emotional wounds and expectations from our personal histories into a relationship. These influence how we experience intimacy, how we deal with conflict, and what we expect from our partner. Sometimes this gives rise to the feeling that a relationship must be exciting, happy and fulfilling at all times. Yet no relationship can provide adventure, butterflies in the stomach and intense feelings of happiness round the clock.

The fear of a supposedly boring relationship, or of becoming too emotionally involved with another person, can stand in the way of a fulfilling long-term partnership. When dealing with such issues, it can be helpful to seek individual psychological counselling either in addition to, or prior to, couples’ counselling. This allows personal fears, needs and relationship experiences to be examined independently of the couple’s shared dynamics.

Online couples therapy with Instahelp: Here’s how it works!

With Instahelp, you have the opportunity to work on your relationship with the support of a professional psychologist. The aim is to strengthen your bond and build a solid foundation for your future together.

We all bring with us experiences, hurts and grievances that affect the relationship. Often, an outside perspective can help to heal the past and lay the foundations for a shared future

Getting started is straightforward and flexible: following a 30-minute initial consultation, you’ll discuss your wishes and goals with your psychologist. These can then be worked through step by step over several 75-minute sessions.

In online couples’ counselling, you sit together in front of a screen. Both of you have the opportunity to share your thoughts and feelings – in a confidential, supportive setting.

The benefits of online couples therapy with Instahelp:

• Online psychological couples counselling from the comfort of your own home

• Qualified psychologists

• Flexible appointment scheduling

• No subscription and no long-term commitment

• Confidential video consultations

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